In high school, my ceramics teacher kept the clay castle (complete with gargoyles, no less) I moulded in order to show other classes. Arguably the pinnacle of my artistic endeavours, it was a small grilled cheese moment in the cold soup of high school (cue Springsteen’s Glory Days). And yet a future in art did not eventuate. Nor did one building castles, for that matter. Did I squander a possible life of colour for one of 100 shades of beige? Who is to say?
My prowess for clay construction did not translate to a brush or pencil. I was, and remain, rubbish when it comes to painting/drawing. I’m a right-hander who draws like I’m a leftie. Old noodle hands, they call me. ‘Noodle, noodle, can’t even doodle’ chants will cut through the neighbourhood air on my evening meander, at least that’s how I imagine it to be.
As a youngster, my dad taught me I could draw a cat by stacking the letters M-O-Q on top of each other. How do you spell cat? he would ask. C-A-T? No, M-O-Q, he would say with a grin, before showing his trick. Yeah, it worked. It, however, looked rather displeased, as if my drawing had a measure of contempt for its illustrator. I did, it must be said, become quite proficient when it came to writing those particular letters. This would have come in most handy when writing to Moles & Otters Quarterly magazine, but sadly no such magazine exists.
And so we come to the Etch A Sketch, released in July of 1960. Invented by André Cassagnes, it has sold more than 100-million units worldwide. Oh, what a wonderful world you can weave, when you learn what two knobs can conceive. Not me. Like a discombobulated elevator, I go up when I should have gone down. Results of my Etch A Sketch look more, well, Etch A Retch. Still, there is always the ephemeral joy of tapping out crude words. Like writing a rude word on the sand and watching the waves erase its trace, a simple flick of the wrists vanish your vulgar vernacular for evermore.
So, sure, art may not have kept me, but it did let me sneak behind the curtain. So wherever your artistic level lies, or indeed your Etch A Sketch skillset, may there be colour in your life. And if not, may there at least be knobs to twist and rude words to etch.
I hope you enjoy July’s gigs…
Keep connected to your live music scene here.
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Tribute Shows at Volta – throughout July
It’s as close to the real thing as you can get with this month of tribute acts. On July 3 you have The Police, July 16 is Nirvana, July 18 is Fleetwood Mac and July 24 is Mötley Crüe.
Tribute Shows at Palais-Hepburn – Palais-Hepburn, Hepburn Springs throughout July
Sing along as Palais-Hepburn hosts Yacht Rock Revival on July 11, Beatles Legacy on July 12, The Blues Brothers Tribute Show on July 17 and Songs of Chris Stapleton and Zac Brown on July 24
Alex Sandra – Barwon Club Hotel, Geelong on July 3
Aleksandra Marshaniia is also known as Alex Sandra, a metalcore artist who gives a voice to the voiceless. She will be joined by Deathbeds and Atriox.
BallaRatCat Comedy – BPAC on July 3
Finding a new home in The Chapel in 2026, BallaRatCat continues to deliver big laughs. Your line-up is Takashi Wakasugi, Michael Connell, Tarsh Jago and James Coburn.
Phil Jamieson – Theatre Royal, Castlemaine on July 3 & Eureka Hotel, Geelong on July 4
With his new album 10Charlie set for release next month, journeyed songman Phil Jamieson is doing the rounds in a big, big way with more than 40 dates to warm your winter.
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Lay Low – Medusa Bar, Geelong on July 4
Lay Low is out to put Geelong hardcore back on the map, and new single ‘Downfall’ is helping to do it. They’re joined here by Lakeview, Lockjaw, Knifepoint and Life of Tragedy.
El Bebe – Barwon Club Hotel, Geelong on July 4
Combining elements of hard rock, blues and psychedelia for a riff-heavy sound, the hard-hitting El Bebe lead a show that will be rounded out nicely by Mazzon and Caught in the Crossfire.
Badlanders – Major Tom’s, Kyneton on July 4
With a healthy dose of gothic country rock, Van Walker presents his new outfit Badlanders. Fountain Lakes will be part of the occasion as well.
Bogmonster – Trash Cult, Eaglehawk on July 4
Unafraid and unapologetic, and driven by dreams of fortune and glory, Bogmonster are not ones to shy away from the darkest realms of death and doom. They are joined here by Shipyard.
Lior – Lighthouse Theatre, Warrnambool on July 4
A tick more than twenty years ago, songman Lior released his debut album Autumn Flow. It would become one of the most successful independent releases in Australian music history.
MICF Roadshow – The Story House, GAC on July 4
Hosted by Brett Blake, this fun-sized MICF laugh-fest features David Quirk, Henry Yan, Jo Gowda, Nat Harris and Hannah Camilleri.
Commerford & Duggan – Palais-Hepburn, Hepburn Springs – July 4
It’s a double ampersand dose as CJ Commerford & the Supertones and Dan Duggan & the Borrowed Boots head out for date night. They’ll be joined by Mariah McCarthy.
Donni Heat – Barwon Club Hotel, Geelong on July 9
Fusing nu-punk urgency with splashes of pop and emo, rising South Australian artist Donni Heat is making his Geelong debut. Support comes from Crox, Malicy and A Study in Red.
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Thelma Plum – The Capital Theatre, Bendigo on July 9; The Story House, GAC on July 11; and Lighthouse Theatre, Warrnambool on July 12
Thelma Plum is feeling bold. So, for the first time ever, she is dusting off the acoustic guitar and heading out in duo format for some intimate shows.
The Blitz Kids – Theatre Royal, Castlemaine on July 10
Inspired by The Blitz Club in London, this show is a homage to the scene, style and rebellion that ignited the New Romance Era. Head back to the ’80s with this synth-pop supergroup.
Fever Dream – Barwon Club Hotel, Geelong on July 10
Colour, chaos and confusion embrace at Fever Dream. Your line-up is Slim Krusty, Stupid Fuck & the Silly Clowns, Special Guest and Boogie Riverside.
The Filthy Animals – Golden Vine Hotel, Bendigo on July 10
Pete Robinson (Electric Mary), Kerry Jacobson (Dragon), Bobby Poulton (Wolfmother), Daniel Cox (The Poor) and Glen Muirhead (Eurogliders) combine for a show that charts their songs.
Melanie Bracewell: Dilly Dallying – The Play House, GAC on July 10
If for no other reason, you should go see Melanie Bracewell’s new show just so you can say dilly dallying. You’ll definitely get a bunch of laughs as well.
Clotheslined – Volta, Ballarat on July 10
High contact. Intentional. Severe. Metallic-hardcore outfit Clotheslined are making their first appearance in Ballarat. They’ll be joined by Umbra Altar and Uproar.
Gillian Cosgriff – The Open House, GAC on July 10 & 11
Life, hey? What’s it all about? Find out what it means to Gillian Cosgriff through a combination of songs, stand-up and (entirely voluntary) occasional audience participation.
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Vika & Linda: Where Do You Come From? – The Play House, GAC on July 11
In one word, Where Do You Come From?, the new album from Vika & Linda, is about life. Fall into an album that explores identity, ancestry, motherhood, ageing, grief, joy and more.
Cosentino – Ulumbarra Theatre, Bendigo on July 11
Grand stage illusions, close-up magic and heart-dropping escapes will all feature in Tricked: An Evening of Wonder, the new show from illusionist Cosentino.
Le Bongè – Barwon Club Hotel, Geelong on July 11
It’s the local line-up that will put the lime in the coconut. Your line-up is Le Bongè, G-String Nicotine and The Rorts, alongside DJs Shame-Bro and Chunky Love.
R.M.F.C. – Theatre Royal, Castlemaine on July 11
Call him a former child prodigy or don’t. Buz Clatworthy just likes doing his garage-punk thing as R.M.F.C. Station Model Violence, Silicone Prairie, Romansy and Beauty Park support.
Savage Honey – Volta, Ballarat on July 11
Sweet by name, sweet by sound, Torquay indie-rockers Savage Honey have released their debut album, Darling. With special guests.
The Bendigo Blues Tram – Bendigo on July 11
Enjoy the sights of Bendigo from aboard a restored vintage class tram #610 as you enjoy the sounds of Patrick Lionel and White Lightning.
Cut Worms – The Bridge Hotel, Castlemaine on July 12
Unlike the children’s song, everybody likes Cut Worms, no one hates them. The music project of Max Clarke is wriggling into town, with help from John Andrews.
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Jimmy Lowdown & the Dirty Shames – The Taproom (Shedshaker Brewing), Castlemaine on July 12
Long-term pals, Jimmy Lowdown & the Dirty Shames is a trio of scallywags who serve up no fuss blues-rock. Their first set will be cosy and acoustic, while their second will rock your hair back.
The Strike Outs – Medusa Bar, Geelong on July 11
It’s double the trouble and double the fun as The Strikes Out launch their new album, Double Negative. Pointless Daggers will be there to warm things up.
Women of Wit – The Engine Room, Bendigo on July 16 & Phee Broadway Theatre, Castlemaine on July 17
The latest instalment of the cracking Women of Wit features Janty Blair, Simone Amohanga, Cath Styles, Mel McGlensey and Laura Davis, alongside a bunch of locals.
Dave Hole – Theatre Royal, Castlemaine on July 17
An internationally renowned bluesman and slide guitar virtuoso, Dave Hole has been a part of the big, bad blues world since the mid-sixties. And he hasn’t slowed down one bit.
Jakkob – Torquay Hotel, Torquay on July 17
He’s the genre fluid Welshman with a fanny pack full of tunes. He is house enthusiast Jakkob, and he’s back for one night only. Benjamin supports.
Nazeem Hussain – The Play House, GAC on July 17
He’s keeping it simple, is Nazeem Hussain. His new show, I’d Like to Tell You About Some Jokes, will see him, well, do that very thing.
Muddy Mayhem – Barwon Club Hotel, Geelong on July 17
Fusing the twang of surf rock with the energy of punk, Muddy Rivets are out to cause a little havoc. They’ll be joined by G-String Nicotine and Feedback.
Locals Night – Barwon Heads Hotel, Barwon Heads on July 17
Two stages. One big night. Locals Night returns with the likes of Intermood, 1982, Mt. Pleasant, The Spit, MER/LO, Lizard Lounge and much more.
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Alex Lloyd – Volta, Ballarat on July 17 & Theatre Royal, Castlemaine on July 24
It was a lazy 25 years ago when Alex Lloyd released his second album, Watching Angels Mend. With it came his bigger than Ben-Hur single, ‘Amazing’. Celebrate it here.
Ray O’Leary – The Play House, GAC on July 18
Like Geoff Mack and Hank Snow, Ray O’Leary has been everywhere, man. He may be ruling the TV world, but the stage is where he shines brightest.
The Wraylettes – Trash Cult, Eaglehawk on July 18
If you’re cruisin’ for some all-girl groovy Link Wray-inspired rock and roll bruisin’, this is your band. Instrumental outfit Blue Fur supports.
Guitar Showdown – Palais-Hepburn, Hepburn Springs on July 18
Fretboard maestros Geoff Achison and Jimi Hocking deliver their Guitar Showdown, packed full of high-voltage blues, soul and rock. Beth String Fix supports.
Jim Jeffries – Red Energy Arena, Bendigo on July 18 & Costa Hall, Geelong on July 19
Following a couple of years shouting at North American and European audiences, Jim Jeffries is keen to do some shouting on Australian soil.
Dave Graney & Clare Moore – Courthouse Theatre, Geelong on July 24
If you think they dress sharp, just wait until you hear ’em live. They’ll be playing tracks from their new album Laburnum of the Mind, as well as choice selections from a 40+ album career.
Abbie Chatfield – Costa Hall, Geelong on July 25
From modern masculinity and dating delusions through to the podcast philosophers, Abbie Chatfield’s new show is all about men.
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Escape-ism & Kirin J Callinan – The Bridge Hotel, Castlemaine on July 25
“Found-Sound-Dream-Drama” project Escape-ism will be joined by Kirin J Callinan in a very special ‘first and only time in Australia’ outing. Room Full of Pussy will be in attendance as well.
Beccy Cole – Gateway Hotel, Corio on July 25
Such is the affection country music lovers have for Beccy Cole, Through the Haze, her first solo album in seven years, hit #1 on the ARIA Australian Country Albums Chart.
Joe Camilleri & The Black Sorrows – Torquay Hotel, Torquay on July 25
They’ve been part of the national soundtrack for four decades, and now Joe and his gang head out to share a handpicked journey of the best bits and more.
The Beggars – Town Hall, Ararat on July 29
Take a drive with The Beggars in the Californian sunshine as they pay tribute to the dreamers, the rebels and the artists of the Laurel Canyon.
Adam Newling – Beav’s Bar, Geelong on July 30 & Volta, Ballarat on July 31
Songman Adam Newling is not one to shy away from sharing his inspirations, struggles and triumphs. Open up your heart as he hits the road for his Life tour.
Bachelor Girl – Golden Vine Hotel, Bendigo on July 31
If ever there was a band that could produce an earworm, it is Bachelor Girl. They’ve reimagined their debut album Waiting for the Day, which you can get a taste of here.
Kim Salmon – The Bridge Hotel, Castlemaine on July 31
The safe road is indeed safe, but not always the most fun. From the Scientists to the Surrealists to the Beasts of Bourbon, Kim Salmon has done it his way. Smoked Salmon is his latest project.
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Riebl Tedesco McGill – The Open House, GAC on July 31
Frontman and storyteller Felix Riebl (The Cat Empire), flamenco guitarist Richard Tedesco and founding pianist of The Cat Empire, Ollie McGill, combine for this spirited collaboration.
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